it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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