there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
