you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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