Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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