Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
