i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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