I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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