I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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