I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
