I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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