He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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