I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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