Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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