i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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