i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
