Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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