maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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