just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
