Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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