I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
