Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
