let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Randomize
