dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she told me i tasted like america
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
