How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize