i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
In America we eat man semen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
