You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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