Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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