i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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