the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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