Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
