I didn't shave. On purpose
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
