We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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