What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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