I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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