I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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