im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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