i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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