so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
