Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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