Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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