If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
