The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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