I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
