What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
