I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
