I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
