I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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