And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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