I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
