I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
