I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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