OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
