I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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