how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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