that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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