Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
