All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
