Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
