About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
