How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
