We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
