Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
