oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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