Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
