Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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