Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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