i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
